My mother told me last week that she couldn't save me, if I didn't want to be saved. I wanted to say, "You were never there for me when I was a child, and now you want to save me?"

I miss when I was a child, and everything only revolved around friends, school, and little birthday parties. Where has the time gone? It flew past me like a little sparrow, and now I'll never be able to get those days back.



I've never really understood the whole wishing on 11:11. I mean what happens if you wish on 12:12? But I remember what I wished for on November 11th, 2011 at exactly 11:11 pm. I wished for someone to love me always. I suppose my friends are great examples of that. I mean Ken has always been there for me, and he will always be there. I miss him though. More than he will ever know. I miss his smile, and the way he would always make light of every situation he was in. And more than that, I miss his awkwardness.

I think I can finally admit it, but I love Ken. But I'm far too late. Too much time has passed between us.

And Lena will always be there for me. I've known her since we were freshmen in high school. We've always been there for each other, through thick and thin. I remember how when her father passed away, we were at a restaurant after the funeral, and I asked her if she was okay, and she replied, "No, I'm not." And she laid her head down on the table. I stroked her hair for a few minutes until she felt calm and relaxed. And I ispered to her, "No one here will ever hurt you."



Sometimes I will pull out pictures from when I was a child. I would look at how silly I used to look. Laughing at the world as if nothing is wrong. When I was 5 years old, I asked my mom if I could be a princess for Halloween. My best friend Georgina was a princess too. My little brother was a dinosaur. Because at that time in life, he was in love with anything that had to do with dinosaurs.

I loved being a princess. I wished with all my might that I could be a real princess. But that never happened. But on that one day when I was 5 years old, I was a princess. At least in my defense I was a make believe princess. I'll always cherish those moments, and if you're out there Georgina I miss you. 


Right now

I remember my first crush. Most people would say they don't remember, but I remember every little detail as if it happened just yesterday. His name was Kevin, and we were in kindergarden. It was a weird time for me, because I never had an older sibling, and I didn't know what cooties were. And god forbid I knew that boys were supposed to be icky, and gross.

And when my eyes landed on him, I saw him for him. And I fell head over heels for him. I think now if I got to know the real him, maybe I wouldn't like him as much as I did in the past, but damn that doesn't get me thinking about what would have happened if I had just stayed there forever. Just staring into his deep brown eyes for endless moments.

I miss those days when we were innocent.