Let's talk about Sex

So I'm a little disappointed in Tom. First off, when we got together again, I really wanted him to penetrate me. But he ended up being too damn tired from work, and I guess he just couldn't get it up. I was slightly angry at myself, but I was more upset with him. If he could have just waited a day or two, we could have had real sex with each other. It could have been explosive. But you know guys and their way of thinking. If they don't get to come, then it's no fun at all.

Well at least when I sucked him, he came.

Wherefore art thou Richard?

I always fall for someone once every couple of months. And two years ago, it was this guy named Richard. He was perfect. Tall, educated, smart, funny, and he was just overall a good time guy to have fun with. I don't know what went wrong. I guess it came down to expectations with both of us. I wanted to commit, and he didn't want to. And now it's role reversal. I guess now, I don't want to be committed at all. Which is why Tom is such a good idea. And the sex has been good with him by the way. I suppose Richard is getting older, and he wants something more serious now. The only question is, am I willing to give it to him?

They left again

My parents left again to go on vacation. They left last Tuesday. So they skipped out on Thanksgiving. There is nothing to be thankful for this year. Other than my own health, and my career. Tom was suppose to show up this weekend, but due to miscommunication we ended up not seeing each other. And then he got sick Sunday. I'm starting to feel sick but not his type of sick. I've been coughing a lot more lately.

I didn't go black Friday shopping. I relaxed at home, with a cup of hot tea, while watching some movies. And then late Friday afternoon, I decided to go to Walmart to pick up some small things, and guess what? It was still a crazy experience. I felt like there were a lot of people there, running around, still trying to get good deals. I ended up picking up 2 candles. I'm planning on going to vacation next year. Possibly around May.

Me and Him...

So this upcoming week is going to be fun. For one, Tom is going to be over and we are going to have a lot of fun drinking, eating cheese and crackers, and having sex. It should be a magical 2 weeks. Sorry I haven't been blogging on the regular. This is my outlet blog. I only write when I'm feeling up and bouncy or depressed as fuck. I guess right now, I'm just excited to see Tom finally.

Religion

[EDITED BEFORE I POSTED THIS UP] I believe that you can have sex before marriage, just use a condom. And I'm all about drinking a little bit of alcohol when the mood calls for it. I'm not against any religion. I'm just open minded. But let me tell you, if I were to get married and my husband demanded that I get up at 8:00 am every Sunday to go to church then we're going to have a problem. I was actually baptized as buddhist in Taiwan with my Aunt as a witness, so that's why I don't see the point of going to church. I mean if my husband wants to go to temple at least a month that's fine with me. But seriously, church every Sunday morning? No. Don't sign me up for that train ride.

My ex-boyfriend who will stay anonymous on here, told me that even though he wasn't a practicing Catholic, that he wanted our children to go to church every Sunday, and that I would accompany them! That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of in my life! First off he didn't go to church every Sunday, and he expected me to get up every Sunday and take our "children" to church? While he stayed home and slept through Sundays like it's no big thing? Screw that. That's probably why we broke up. Because his dumbass saw the point of me slaving away, with our 10 kids that he wanted. FUCK THAT.

This is probably going to be the first and last long post on this blog.

We have wild sex

I've been having regular sex with Tom, but every once in a while, I have these random wild sex dreams. I had a dream about this guy who was part Asian and part white. I'm not sure if I was thinking about Jon, or not. You guys remember Jon right? He was the guy I couldn't hang out with because I was too busy? Anyway, I had a dream that we were having amazing sex.

And then last night, I had a dream that I was having sex with one of my best friends from high school. Not only is that impossible, because he's gay, but I haven't talked to him in almost 6 years. What is happening to my mind? And why am I having these dreams all of the sudden?

Working hard

I've been traveling a lot the last couple of months. For those of you who are interested in what I do, I work in fashion. I'm not going to say anymore than that. But for those of you who are curious about the fashion business, it's always changing. It's always moving forward, and I think that's why I got involved with it. At the time, I was going to school, and I wasn't sure what I wanted to do. Being pushed by my parents and by boys who I thought loved me was very difficult. And then one day I decided to fuck them all. And so my descent into fashion began. I've been a big fan of fashion ever since my mum inspired it out of me. To look at my mum's closet is like going back into time. She has a classic yet refined style. That can never be duplicated.

Stuck again

I don't believe in being dishonest. Dishonesty is the worst kind of lying. It's lying to yourself, as to other people. This random guy found me through the internet, and decided he liked me. Which is fucked up because he's married. And his wife turns a blind eye to his cheating ways. I don't want to talk to him anymore, so henceforth this asshole is blocked. He's told me that he's had multiple relationships with other women, and when I asked what would happen if he found the perfect woman and she wanted to settle down with him, he insisted that he would never separate from his wife. Because get this, he has kids. Fuck that shit. I'm not about to get involved with someone who has children, and is married. That's just not my motto.

So this is the lesson of the story kids, if you meet someone whose married, and they want to have sex with you, tell them to fuck off, and to go home to their spouse. Because being dishonest is the worst kind of lying.

I love him, I love him not

This past 2 weeks has been a haze of craziness for me. First off, Skyler has been texting me every day since we started talking again. And while it's nice, I'm still not sure if I like him that way. While me and Tom have slowed down our sexual lust for each other. I'm not sure what is going on between us right now. But I do like Tom a lot. He's perfect in every way. I just wish he could see it like I do.

Skyler is a little strange to talk to. I mean, I like him as a friend, but sometimes I get the feeling that we could be more, if I really wanted to give it a shot. But then there's Tom. Tom who might be the one and the last one for me. And so the decision making continues.

So Halloween is coming up. And I'm pretty sure I don't have any big plans. I mean of course sex is going to be a part of the whole Halloween night shit. I'm just not sure if I feel up to it, after 2 years ago, when I fell in love with a guy. And he broke my heart. Richard where are you now?

F*CK

Sex is often times said to be a good thing for the body. Almost every time I've had sex, I've had an orgasm. Now, the same can't be said for every woman. Some women go through their entire lives without having any kind of release. Having sex for me is like fireworks going off every time.

I remember a couple of years ago, when I was so pissed off at the world, and my parents, and I was raging with all my heart, my parents sent me to a group therapy. I remember one woman there saying that she never had an orgasm, and that she never wanted to have sex again. That made me sad. Because how do you even know if you never had it? I miss that feeling of having someone on top of me, kissing me, touching me. Making me moan. I miss that feeling.

Stupidness gets the best of all of us.

I did something really stupid the other day. I was feeling insecure about my relationship with Tom, so I decided to contact Skyler. It wasn't a good idea, and now I'm slightly regretting it. He's always saying things, like: "You're so pretty/gorgeous/beautiful." And I'm not sure how to respond other than: "Thank you." It's almost borderline awkward. I'm not sure what to say to him anymore. It's gotten to the point where if it didn't happen, it probably never will.

Skyler wants to take me to a mountain top, and up there, he says is a cove, where you can see all the stars. And while I really want to do something romantic like that with Tom. He just isn't Tom. I feel really strange about the situation. If I don't get this stuff under control, I'm going to lose my head soon.

I also had a talk with Ken the other day. It's weird because now all of the sudden, I'm reconnecting with people I haven't talked to in a year or so. And it feels strange as fuck. He told me that he's having problems with the woman he's dating right now. And I explained my situation with Skyler and Tom. And he just told me, that both are bad choices. I'm so confused, I'm not sure what's wrong and what's right anymore.

Kisses

Did you know that in Europe it's okay if you kiss someone's cheek as a hello? It's a little strange for sure. Since I was raised in America majority of my life, and I've visited these countries before. I'm not used to the kissing on cheeks, or even on the mouth, thing.

When I think of kissing, I think of my future boyfriend, and while we are pissed at each other for some reason, he grabs my elbow, spins me around, and kisses me on the mouth. While in the rain. And we are both drenched, but the feeling is so soothing, of finally connecting with him in that perfect moment. And all I can think of is why was I ever mad at him? I love this man with all my heart.

New man in the works

I've been talking to a guy for the last couple of weeks. He's an amazing guy. He's a little more into sex than I am though. His name is Tom. And I'm pretty sure I like him. The only thing is that he wants a friends with benefits relationship, while I want something a little more. He's the type of guy my parents would be happy to invite over for dinner. Or just to meet.

And the good thing is that he understands my culture, and he has the same family values in life. His family is also pretty well off. I'm not sure if I can just do a friends with benefits thing for long without feeling something for him. What am I going to do though?

Should have

I was suppose to go out with this amazing guy named Jon earlier this month, but it was just so damn hot, and then my cousin asked me if I would accompany her to NWFW, and I said yeah. And then it never happened. And he was so damn good looking too. He was perfect in every single way. He was tall, but not too tall, he had a nice smile, and he had a great sense of humor.

I wish money could buy me love, because if that were the case, I would be in love.

Going out

I grew up on musicals, and dancing ballet and other stuff that little girls did. I loved it, and I still do this day. But it gets harder as I get older to really go out. Not because I don't have the money, but it just seems like a lot of my friends are busy with their own lives. Which means I usually do stuff by myself. Which isn't that bad. I'm actually used to doing stuff by myself.

I remember when I was younger, I would go to the movies by myself, grab some popcorn, and just sit there watching the movie. Laughing, gasping, all the stuff that young people do. Sometimes I think I'm a 70 year old woman trapped in a 20 something adult. And yet sometimes I feel like I'm a 6 year old child trapped in a 20 something adult. Ahhh... The bliss of life oui?

Right at this moment

I absolutely hate getting set up on blind dates with my friends. I mean a lot of my friends are fabulous, and glamorous, but who knows if I'm going to truly connect with the guy. I remember the first blind date I had to go on. My friend decided it would be a good idea for us to go out with a guy she was dating and this so called guy's "friend". It wasn't until after I met the guy I was kind of annoyed. It was weird, because I didn't know this guy, and what he wanted exactly. We ended up going back to his place, and hanging out for a while, before he took me home.

I don't talk to that friend anymore. No it's not because she set me up on a blind date. It's because she was addicted to drugs. And as much as I do like to drink, and smoke cigarettes, I've never been a big drug user.

I've got Mail

I love those sappy old movies that make me tear up just a little bit. Gone with the Wind was one of those movies. More recently though, I've been going through a couple of movies that wear released in the 1990's to the 2000's.

One of my favorites I remember when I was a child, and sitting next to my mum and watching with her, was You've Got Mail. I love Meg Ryan. Still do to this day. Another two that I didn't know about until a couple of friends introduced me to them, was Garden State, which is an addicting movie about a boy who falls in love with a girl, and they go on an amazing adventure together. The last one, I've loved since it came out is called Penelope. I love a good romance story where the characters have to go out and find themselves first.

I guess the question I have, is will any of these movies have a sequel? Like I'm dying inside to find out if Joe Fox asked Kathleen Kelly to marry him? Or if Andrew Largeman and Sam have any more adventures? And what becomes of the witch in Penelope? These are all questions I have for these directors and writers who wrote and directed these movies...

Remember those days

I remember the days spent in Thailand on a boat, relaxing while reading a book. With the sun on my face, and a cool drink next to me.

Nowadays I ask my cousin for book recommendations. Not that I'm incapable of finding interesting books first, but my cousin really really loves books. I'm not going to mention my cousin's name on here. Only because she's pretty well known in the blog world. If you can figure it out, then good for you. If you can't, then don't bother.

The books she always sends me off to read, are usually amazing, and insightful. I have to admit that I teared up a little bit after reading a couple of the books she recommended. Not that she doesn't try to request that I listen to her type of music. I do love her music, but once in a while, it gets too hip-hop, or Indie rock for me.

Contact

I've been yet again contacted by Skyler. This weekend. I was in bed trying to go to sleep in the early morning, and my phone rings, with a text message. I don't understand why he keeps insisting on seeing me. It's all I can do but keep from screaming. I often times think that if the world were to end tomorrow, I wouldn't be bothered to contact him. The first person I would contact is Ken.

And maybe then I would tell him all the stuff I was too frightened to tell him before. About how much I admired him, and how much I miss him. And how I need his words of wisdom if only for the last time.

Reading/Watching

I've always been a big reader. Not that it's amounted to anything really. I just love reading books. I've had my fair share of crying when a person falls in love, and knows that it will never be, or when all hope is lost.

That's the way it is with movies that I sometimes watch. I remember the first movie I cried at. It wasn't Titanic. It was The Little Princess. I felt like a piece of me fell away when her father disappeared. I have to tell myself that it's not real, but it won't stop the tears from coming anymore than I can stop myself. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself to breathe, and to believe.

Skyler

Skyler has been trying to contact me the last couple of months. What he doesn't know is that I take my iPhone with me everywhere. And I get his messages, I just never open them up. It's weird because he always double texts. It's weird because he has an iPhone like me, so I'm assuming it's not a mistake, but maybe it is. Or maybe it isn't. Who the hell knows? 

If it were a real emergency he could just call me. But he never does. And I'm starting to believe that he never will.

Europe

There's just something amazing about waking up early in the morning in Paris. Opening your window curtains to see the Eiffel tower standing there. The one thing I have to say I miss the most about Europe is the pretty cigarettes. Their called Sobranie, and I've found them extremely difficult to get a hold of in the USA. But since I've been to Europe so many times, I already know where to pick up this brand.

I think I also miss the champagne. Dom Perignon all day every day. Oh and of course you can never forget sparkling water. Even though I felt like I drank more alcohol than water whenever I'm there. Which might be a bad thing, or a good thing considering that dieting by drinking, and chain smoking cigarettes is the way for me.