F*CK

Sex is often times said to be a good thing for the body. Almost every time I've had sex, I've had an orgasm. Now, the same can't be said for every woman. Some women go through their entire lives without having any kind of release. Having sex for me is like fireworks going off every time.

I remember a couple of years ago, when I was so pissed off at the world, and my parents, and I was raging with all my heart, my parents sent me to a group therapy. I remember one woman there saying that she never had an orgasm, and that she never wanted to have sex again. That made me sad. Because how do you even know if you never had it? I miss that feeling of having someone on top of me, kissing me, touching me. Making me moan. I miss that feeling.

Stupidness gets the best of all of us.

I did something really stupid the other day. I was feeling insecure about my relationship with Tom, so I decided to contact Skyler. It wasn't a good idea, and now I'm slightly regretting it. He's always saying things, like: "You're so pretty/gorgeous/beautiful." And I'm not sure how to respond other than: "Thank you." It's almost borderline awkward. I'm not sure what to say to him anymore. It's gotten to the point where if it didn't happen, it probably never will.

Skyler wants to take me to a mountain top, and up there, he says is a cove, where you can see all the stars. And while I really want to do something romantic like that with Tom. He just isn't Tom. I feel really strange about the situation. If I don't get this stuff under control, I'm going to lose my head soon.

I also had a talk with Ken the other day. It's weird because now all of the sudden, I'm reconnecting with people I haven't talked to in a year or so. And it feels strange as fuck. He told me that he's having problems with the woman he's dating right now. And I explained my situation with Skyler and Tom. And he just told me, that both are bad choices. I'm so confused, I'm not sure what's wrong and what's right anymore.

Kisses

Did you know that in Europe it's okay if you kiss someone's cheek as a hello? It's a little strange for sure. Since I was raised in America majority of my life, and I've visited these countries before. I'm not used to the kissing on cheeks, or even on the mouth, thing.

When I think of kissing, I think of my future boyfriend, and while we are pissed at each other for some reason, he grabs my elbow, spins me around, and kisses me on the mouth. While in the rain. And we are both drenched, but the feeling is so soothing, of finally connecting with him in that perfect moment. And all I can think of is why was I ever mad at him? I love this man with all my heart.

New man in the works

I've been talking to a guy for the last couple of weeks. He's an amazing guy. He's a little more into sex than I am though. His name is Tom. And I'm pretty sure I like him. The only thing is that he wants a friends with benefits relationship, while I want something a little more. He's the type of guy my parents would be happy to invite over for dinner. Or just to meet.

And the good thing is that he understands my culture, and he has the same family values in life. His family is also pretty well off. I'm not sure if I can just do a friends with benefits thing for long without feeling something for him. What am I going to do though?

Should have

I was suppose to go out with this amazing guy named Jon earlier this month, but it was just so damn hot, and then my cousin asked me if I would accompany her to NWFW, and I said yeah. And then it never happened. And he was so damn good looking too. He was perfect in every single way. He was tall, but not too tall, he had a nice smile, and he had a great sense of humor.

I wish money could buy me love, because if that were the case, I would be in love.

Going out

I grew up on musicals, and dancing ballet and other stuff that little girls did. I loved it, and I still do this day. But it gets harder as I get older to really go out. Not because I don't have the money, but it just seems like a lot of my friends are busy with their own lives. Which means I usually do stuff by myself. Which isn't that bad. I'm actually used to doing stuff by myself.

I remember when I was younger, I would go to the movies by myself, grab some popcorn, and just sit there watching the movie. Laughing, gasping, all the stuff that young people do. Sometimes I think I'm a 70 year old woman trapped in a 20 something adult. And yet sometimes I feel like I'm a 6 year old child trapped in a 20 something adult. Ahhh... The bliss of life oui?

Right at this moment

I absolutely hate getting set up on blind dates with my friends. I mean a lot of my friends are fabulous, and glamorous, but who knows if I'm going to truly connect with the guy. I remember the first blind date I had to go on. My friend decided it would be a good idea for us to go out with a guy she was dating and this so called guy's "friend". It wasn't until after I met the guy I was kind of annoyed. It was weird, because I didn't know this guy, and what he wanted exactly. We ended up going back to his place, and hanging out for a while, before he took me home.

I don't talk to that friend anymore. No it's not because she set me up on a blind date. It's because she was addicted to drugs. And as much as I do like to drink, and smoke cigarettes, I've never been a big drug user.

I've got Mail

I love those sappy old movies that make me tear up just a little bit. Gone with the Wind was one of those movies. More recently though, I've been going through a couple of movies that wear released in the 1990's to the 2000's.

One of my favorites I remember when I was a child, and sitting next to my mum and watching with her, was You've Got Mail. I love Meg Ryan. Still do to this day. Another two that I didn't know about until a couple of friends introduced me to them, was Garden State, which is an addicting movie about a boy who falls in love with a girl, and they go on an amazing adventure together. The last one, I've loved since it came out is called Penelope. I love a good romance story where the characters have to go out and find themselves first.

I guess the question I have, is will any of these movies have a sequel? Like I'm dying inside to find out if Joe Fox asked Kathleen Kelly to marry him? Or if Andrew Largeman and Sam have any more adventures? And what becomes of the witch in Penelope? These are all questions I have for these directors and writers who wrote and directed these movies...

Remember those days

I remember the days spent in Thailand on a boat, relaxing while reading a book. With the sun on my face, and a cool drink next to me.

Nowadays I ask my cousin for book recommendations. Not that I'm incapable of finding interesting books first, but my cousin really really loves books. I'm not going to mention my cousin's name on here. Only because she's pretty well known in the blog world. If you can figure it out, then good for you. If you can't, then don't bother.

The books she always sends me off to read, are usually amazing, and insightful. I have to admit that I teared up a little bit after reading a couple of the books she recommended. Not that she doesn't try to request that I listen to her type of music. I do love her music, but once in a while, it gets too hip-hop, or Indie rock for me.