I've been yet again contacted by Skyler. This weekend. I was in bed trying to go to sleep in the early morning, and my phone rings, with a text message. I don't understand why he keeps insisting on seeing me. It's all I can do but keep from screaming. I often times think that if the world were to end tomorrow, I wouldn't be bothered to contact him. The first person I would contact is Ken.

And maybe then I would tell him all the stuff I was too frightened to tell him before. About how much I admired him, and how much I miss him. And how I need his words of wisdom if only for the last time.



I've always been a big reader. Not that it's amounted to anything really. I just love reading books. I've had my fair share of crying when a person falls in love, and knows that it will never be, or when all hope is lost.

That's the way it is with movies that I sometimes watch. I remember the first movie I cried at. It wasn't Titanic. It was The Little Princess. I felt like a piece of me fell away when her father disappeared. I have to tell myself that it's not real, but it won't stop the tears from coming anymore than I can stop myself. Sometimes you just have to tell yourself to breathe, and to believe.



Skyler has been trying to contact me the last couple of months. What he doesn't know is that I take my iPhone with me everywhere. And I get his messages, I just never open them up. It's weird because he always double texts. It's weird because he has an iPhone like me, so I'm assuming it's not a mistake, but maybe it is. Or maybe it isn't. Who the hell knows? 

If it were a real emergency he could just call me. But he never does. And I'm starting to believe that he never will.



There's just something amazing about waking up early in the morning in Paris. Opening your window curtains to see the Eiffel tower standing there. The one thing I have to say I miss the most about Europe is the pretty cigarettes. Their called Sobranie, and I've found them extremely difficult to get a hold of in the USA. But since I've been to Europe so many times, I already know where to pick up this brand.

I think I also miss the champagne. Dom Perignon all day every day. Oh and of course you can never forget sparkling water. Even though I felt like I drank more alcohol than water whenever I'm there. Which might be a bad thing, or a good thing considering that dieting by drinking, and chain smoking cigarettes is the way for me.

I miss him

I have been trying not to think about Ken for the last couple of months, but every time I open my iPhone's pictures, I see his smiling face looking right at me and I get this heart lurching pain. Something that I think will never go away. I miss him every day but I know it's near to impossible to see him. I know he's moved on. He's dating this girl whose pretty, smart, and who works with him in the same building. I know it's bad to have self pity for myself, but every time I see his picture I want to cry a little bit inside.

I haven't read his last Facebook message to me, because I'm scared of what it might say. Especially since I've been in London, and Paris during June. And now I'm in Thailand, and traveling Asia. As soon as I get back to the states in September, I'm going to be in New York for fashion week. As soon as that's over, I'm going to be back in L.A. And that frightens me, because then I won't be able to hold back anymore. And I will have to read his Facebook message.



I remember the summers I spent in Thailand. Lounging by the beach, drinking coconut juice, and having a great feast after the tanning. I loved spending time in a tropical country, while relaxing. I also remember the summer I spent in France, just walking around up and around the Eiffel tower, and also the Louvre. I love art, and I always felt like it was in my blood, so every time I'm in a museum, I feel a sense of awe.